As you already know, today is the 7th anniversary of 9/11.  Today you will be inundated by TV, radio and Internet stories reflecting on the tragedy.  You’ll hear plenty of tales of grief, as well as stories about the American spirit and overcoming tragedy.

9/11 is the worst thing to ever happen to our country.  However, there were a few small bright spots amongst the massive dark clouds.  We’re a country that believes in hope, so today, while you’re mourning the tragedy, I think it’s important to remember that a few positives did come out of 9/11.  Such as…

Our country started taking defense seriously

Before 9/11 you could sail a ship made of dynamite into any U.S. port and have 30 terrorists walk off carrying warheads and firing AK47s in the air while screaming in tongues, and no one would notice or care.  After 9/11 we wised up and locked down our ports.  We started looking after our bridges and tunnels, much to the delight of guidos from New Jersey who wanted to go clubbing in Manhattan on Saturday nights and totally couldn’t hook up cause “that bitch was ice cold.”  We tightened airport security and gave “random” searches to every suspicious looking person (tough break, foreigners!).  You can never be 100% safe but we’re better off than we were.

Hilarious country songs

Alan Jackson’s “Where Were You” is hands down the funniest song in the history of country music.  It would probably be the funniest song ever if not for “Popular” by Nada Surf.  Read the lyrics.  Aside from the fact that he’s exploiting a national tragedy to get a hit song, which is funny in a “you’re a terrible person” sort of way, it’s also some of the worst lyrics ever written.  The song won a bunch of accolades and received tons of airplay, but to quote Zoolander, I feel like I’m taking crazy pills, because the song sucks and the lyrics don’t make me feel patriotic or sympathetic in any way.  The dude says in the chorus that he doesn’t know the difference between Iraq and Iran!  I learned that shit in 2nd grade.  In the midst of the worst tragedy ever, apparently Alan Jackson’s internal struggle was over whether to buy a gun or watch “I Love Lucy” reruns.  It’s like he’s reading my mind!!  And of course there was Toby Keith threatening to put a boot up terrorist’s asses, which…  well…  honestly Toby, that’s gonna be worse for you than it is for them.

Boost for miniature American Flag industry

Many businesses suffered after 9/11, but whatever industry makes those little flags you put on the antenna of your car was not one of them.  Those things were everywhere.  Some call it the golden age of miniature American Flag making.  The yellow ribbon magnet industry was booming as well.

MTV played videos

No one wanted to do anything in the days following 9/11, which was understandable, but still, it made things pretty boring.  Like everyone, I watched the news and was fixated on The 9/11 Movie for a couple days.  But eventually you just couldn’t watch anymore.  It was too depressing, plus they had shown every possible video clip and discussed every possible piece of information over and over.  Everyone needed a change of pace.  Fortunately MTV decided to be cool and show old music videos for about 2 weeks following 9/11.  I got to see classics like Soundgarden and Nirvana, along with all kinds of rare stuff like Temple of the Dog and King Missile.  Pretty much all I did in the week following 9/11 was to skip class, watch MTV and drink heavily.  I mean, if I had that same week any other year, that would have been a great week.  MTV also made U2’s “Walk On” the unofficial anthem for 9/11.  “Walk On” was the best song off U2’s “All That You Can’t Leave Behind” album, but it had never gotten the publicity it deserved because of other hits like “Elevation.”  MTV also helped promote Bruce Springsteen’s “The Rising,” which is an inspiring tune and one of my favorites by The Boss.  This kind of stuff is obviously minor in the grand scheme of things, but don’t be fooled, little things like this do help people feel better during times of tragedy.

Acceptable to hate the Middle East

Let’s be honest, no one likes the Middle East.  There are some good people there but the region as a whole sucks.  They’re crazy conservative and they’re always fighting over piles of dirt.  It’s called tolerance because we tolerate their asses, even though we all think they’re annoying.  In the late 90s/early 00s, our country had gotten so PC it was ridiculous.  Unless you thought the world was a paradise made of rainbows and butterflies where everyone should hold hands and sing “Kumbaya,” you were a terrible person.  Then Drew Carey went on TV and called Arabs “towelheads” and Bill Maher rose to prominence with some non-PC remarks and the rest of the world followed suit and started saying what they really felt.  I’m not advocating prejudice or stereotypes against any one group, I’m just saying that people should be free to express themselves and not have to worry about sugarcoating everything, and that we should build a giant bubble-dome over the entire Middle East and let the people there fight each other until they’re all dead, then turn the region into a spring break resort.  That’s all I’m saying.

Ridiculously comical fear mongering

I was in college in Poughkeepsie (NY) during 9/11.  My school was very liberal.  In my first post-9/11 class, one of my professors said that we needed to be careful, because the terrorists could strike anywhere next, EVEN US!!!  Everyone in the class nodded in agreement, except me and my one friend, who gave each other a “you have to be kidding” glance.  Sure, terrorists could strike Poughkeepsie.  And a football team can start off a game with a quadruple-reverse flee-flicker halfback option pass.  That doesn’t mean it’s going to happen.  Fear mongering was at an all-time high after 9/11, and people thought every U.S. city was a potential target.  But in reality, not every city was in danger.  And that’s one of the good things about 9/11.  It finally gave people a reason to appreciate living in Poughkeepsie, NY.

Hilarious catchphrases

I still can’t figure out if “These Colors Don’t Run” refers to the U.S.’s policy of standing up to terrorism, or if it’s a reference to laundry.  We may never know.

Respect for NYPD & NYFD

I like cops just slightly more than Ice Cube does, but the NYPD are the real deal.  While suburban police are ticketing people for rolling through stop signs and breaking up high school parties, members of the NYPD are putting their lives at risk every day to stop real crimes and make New York the greatest city on Earth.  The fact that New York has 7 million people in such a tiny area, and is still one of the safest major cities in the country, is a true testament to the fine work of the NYPD.  And in my experience, no police force is better at keeping order while not harassing or trying to intimidate citizens.  The NYFD is exceptional as well.  Kudos to both of them.

The way people finally came together

I believe that people are genuinely good at heart (with the exception of murderers, rapists and that ilk).  I think the reason people act poorly is because they become isolated from society at large and don’t have to deal with negative consequences of their actions.  That’s why people are so much more vindictive online, where everything is anonymous, or why rich businessmen, who are allowed to get away with anything, often commit the worst acts.  Meanwhile, people who live in a more interactive society, like a small Midwestern town for example, are much nicer.  They know they’ll be held accountable for their actions, but they also genuinely care about their neighbors and friends.  After 9/11, the entire country became a small town community.  Everyone was nice.  Everyone was patient.  We all cared about each other and worked with each other and did what we could to help one another.  We loved each other.  Our old me-first way of thinking disappeared.  Everything changed.  The worst tragedy in our country’s history brought out the best in its citizens.

At least it did for like a month, until we all reverted back to our old ways and started shoving old ladies out of the way to get into the Old Country Buffet before 5PM so we could pay the lunchtime rate.  Hey, I’m sorry, but fuck that bitch, I was here first.

Never forget.