As a writer who does lots of freelance work, I’m always paying attention to the job sites and the latest writing gigs.  But lately I’ve noticed a disturbing trend.  No one wants to writers anymore, because no one wants actual content anymore.  Although any good marketer will tell you that “content is king,” website owners have shifted toward the idea of social media marketing.

For those of you who don’t know what social media is — we’re not all marketers after all — it’s pretty simple.  Social media means sites like Facebook, MySpace and Twitter.  It means themed social networks like Buzznet (for music fans) and LinkedIn (for business professionals).  Basically it’s any site where the bulk of the content is provided by the site’s users, rather than employees of the site.  And lately it has gone from a handful of well-designed websites like the aforementioned ones to a massive orgy of niche sites for every topic imaginable.

What this means for writers is that there are very few jobs left.  The people who are hiring writers are usually paying extremely low rates while asking the writers to write about incredibly focused topics.  For example, if you see a job ad looking for writers, it will probably say something like this:

“Seeking writers to write 300 word blog posts about self-cleaning oil tankers and their effect on the state of Wyoming.  We will pay $2 per post.  Tons of great exposure!  Visit selfcleaningoiltankerwyoming.com to get a feel for our site then send us 7 free samples for our site so we can decide whether we want to hire you!”

When I first started seeing ads like this, I was frustrated.  My immediate reaction was, “you mean you’re offering to pay me under minimum wage to write boring posts about something 3 people care about in order to gain ‘exposure’ on a site with half the traffic of my personal website, then rely on the comments of a bunch of people who are killing time at work to turn your site profitable?”  It was annoying.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s great that everyone can offer an opinion on the Internet, but every tour should have a guide, you know what I’m saying?

Of course, eventually I realized I was wrong.  Social media is the way of the future.  Why hire one “professional” to do a job when you could get the opinions of thousands of everyday people instead?  That’s why I suggest we immediately take social media marketing and translate it to other aspects of life.  For example…

Social Media Movies - The problem with movies is, you didn’t write them.  I didn’t write “Juno” and therefore it sucked!!  Ever see “Good Will Hunting?”  That movie was great, but what was up with the ending?  It was all sad.  What if you wanted a happy ending?!  Happy endings are the best!!  Well with the miracles of social media movies, you don’t have to worry about how well someone acts, or how good a script is, because you the moviegoer gets to act out the film in front of the theater and change the script however you see fit!!  And if the other attendees don’t like it, they get to step in and change things.  You can be whomever you want!  I call dibs on being Will Smith!!!  Shotgun!!!

Social Media Art - You know what sucks about Andy Warhol’s paintings?  They weren’t painted by you!!  But now with social media art, an artist draws a basic sketch (he gets no pay but great exposure!), and then we all take turns adding our own interpretations to the canvas.  I’ll bring the finger paint if you bring the Crayolas!

Social Media Doctors - Why have one jackass doctor perform surgery on you?  You’re only getting his opinion.  What if he’s wrong?  Everyone always talks about getting a “second opinion.”  Well, how about a thousandth opinion!!!  That’s right, we need a hospital where everyday folks take turns operating on you!!  Hell, they can even provide the diagnosis too!!  Your doctor thinks you have bronchitis?  Well too bad, because our users voted in an online poll and you’re getting your foot amputated!!!

Social Media Politics - I don’t even need to explain this one because it’s already happening.  Barack Obama is a walking viral YouTube video, and John McCain always talks about how he just works for the people.  Joe Biden is a man’s man, and Sarah Palin gives hope to the common person that they too can be Vice President, much in the same way Kevin Federline gave hope to men everywhere that they too could marry a pop star.  Who wants a jaded Washington insider anyways?  Those people who have been serving the country for 30 years, they’re out of touch!  We need to get the opinion of housewives in Kansas before we form our country’s legislation.  We don’t need politicians, we need you!  After all, you were Time Magazine’s Person of the Year in 2006!!

Social Media Construction - Everyone gets a turn at the jackhammer!  Just watch out for falling debris, because by joining our team of construction experts, you have agreed to assume all responsibility for getting hit on the head with a cement block.

Social Media Piloting - Man, pilots are annoying.  They just keep talking about what state you’re flying over, and when you should buckle your seatbelts.  No one wants to hear that!  With social media piloting, everyone gets a turn at the controls, and more importantly, at the loudspeaker.  You want to tell that story about the time you beat Grand Theft Auto 3 in just twenty minutes while piloting a flight from San Francisco to Boston?  You got it, buddy!!

Social Media School - You know what I hated about high school?  Stupid teachers always telling you what’s right and wrong!  What do they know?  That’s why we need social media schools, where the students decide what’s right and what’s wrong.  Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves?  Nope, sorry, we took a poll and it turns out it was Mike Hunt.  Thanks for making our country so great, Mike Hunt!  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to 8 study halls in a row.  I love my schedule!!

You see how great social media can be?  I can’t wait…  I mean, umm, WE can’t wait for these changes to happen!!

The 2008 Presidential Election is one of the most highly anticipated elections ever.  Certainly it’s the biggest election of our lifetimes (“our” meaning young people).

Over the next few months, as the election draws nearer and nearer, you’re going to hear a lot of talk about how important voting is.  I’m sure you’re familiar with past campaigns such as “Vote or Die,” “Choose or Lose,” “Rock the Vote,” etc, that tried to encourage and inspire people to go out and vote.  This year will be no different.  In fact, I would anticipate that in the coming months we’ll see the most intense and far-reaching voter registration campaigns this country has ever seen.  You’ll be inundated with information about the importance of voting, and how voting is one of your civic duties.

I’m here to offer a slightly different take:

Don’t vote.

Seriously.

Now before you jump to conclusions or start screaming about how it’s our duty as an American to vote, hear me out…

Voting is an incredibly important responsibility.  The Presidents we elect not only must rule this country, but they become de facto leaders for the entire world.  Furthermore, the person we elect this coming November may face a more difficult predicament than any President in history.  We live in a time of economic and social crisis.  It’s an age of terrorism and war, where the reputation of the U.S. is constantly slipping downward.  There has never been a more important election than this.  And since living in a Democracy means that people choose the leader, that means all the power lies with you.  Voting is a huge responsibility.

You’re not worthy of that responsibility.

Why?  Because you’re an idiot.

Now don’t take that personally.  I don’t mean you’re Corky from “Life Goes On” retarded or anything.  I just mean that you lack the necessary information to cast an intelligent vote.  Or maybe you don’t.  Maybe you have all the facts, and you’re ready to get out and rock the vote this November.  If so, hey, congratulations.  You’re part of a vast, vast minority in this country that knows what they’re doing.  The U.S. has about 300 million citizens, and of those, 16 are qualified to vote.  Alright, so I made that number up, but seriously, it’s really low.  Even if it’s half (150 million), which I think is extremely generous, that means there are a ton of unqualified people out there tainting the voting pool every election.

Each election, a lot of Americans don’t vote.

And that, my friends, is a good thing.

I have a friend, who shall remain nameless.  The other day she told me she was originally planning to vote for Barack Obama, but since he has worn a few ugly ties recently, she’s thinking of changing her vote.  This is a girl who is basing her upcoming vote on a candidate’s choice of ties.  Her vote counts exactly the same as yours.

A few years ago, Britney Spears gave an interview in which she said, “I love seeing my fans overseas, especially in Canada.”  Britney Spears gets to vote this November, and her vote will count exactly the same amount as every other American’s.  James Carville is a political mastermind who might know more about politics than anyone on Earth, but his vote will count exactly the same as Britney Spears’.

I once heard a story of someone voting for John Kerry because Ben Affleck said to.  I know someone who said they’ll always vote Republican regardless of candidate because they’re anti-abortion, and when I asked them if they’d still vote Republican even if Hitler were running for the party, they just shrugged and said “I don’t know.”

We’re going out of our way to get these people to vote?

I know what you’re thinking:  These are extreme examples, and these people are idiots.  That’s where you’re wrong.  All of the people mentioned in the previous examples are normal people of average to above-average intelligence.  Well, except for Britney Spears.  But still, you think you’re better or smarter than them.  Maybe, but most people aren’t.  Two-thirds of people can’t find Iraq on a map; 33% can’t find Louisiana.  There are people that don’t even know who the current President is.  OK, so we all know there are some true idiots out there, and you’re light years beyond them…  but how much do you really know about the election?  Can you tell me where Barack Obama stands on various issues without looking it up on Google?  Can you name 4 things that John McCain wants to accomplish if he’s elected?  Can you tell me your stance on anything without copying something you heard on “The Daily Show” or “Fox News?”

I don’t think you can.  Well, maybe YOU can, because if you read this website you’re obviously really smart, but can everyone in this country really be trusted with a vote?

The upcoming election involves many important issues.  All of these issues require a complex examination.  There are no easy answers.  Solutions vary from week to week as the world changes and new circumstances arise.  To understand politics requires not only a certain initial mental capacity; it requires that you pay constant attention as well.

Based on the news lately, here are some thing your average citizen is concerned about when it comes to the ’08 election:  John McCain’s age, something Barack Obama’s minister once said, some quote Obama’s wife said awhile back, whether McCain’s wife was addicted to pills…  the list of pseudo-issues goes on.

Some of that stuff might matter a little, but the point is this:  People with diehard party allegiances aside, most voters just pick based on a gut feeling.  And unless we’re incredibly knowledgeable about politics, unless we’ve spent countless hours studying the positions and policies of BOTH candidates, unless we have an in-depth knowledge of all the issues and what it will take to solve them, unless we’re unbiased and free from personal agendas or vendettas, then our gut feeling is going to be wrong.  You could pick the better person, but unless you picked them for the right reasons, it’s not Democracy, it’s just luck.  The average person who goes to a voting booth is like a blindfolded kid swatting at a piñata at a Cinco de Mayo party.  You might get some candy, but you also might whack Uncle Jimmy in the temple with a baseball bat.  Is that how we should pick the most powerful man on the planet?  You might as well put two bowl of cat food on a table, with one candidate’s name on each, and let a kitten decide.

What we need is a pre-voting test.  Everyone who wants to vote should be forced to take a test when registering.  People who score well enough and know what they’re doing get one vote.  People with an exceptional political knowledge — like say James Carville — get two votes.  People who cast their votes based on wardrobes, celebrity advice, or any other retarded reason get zero.  People who can’t name the President get shipped off to Cuba on a raft.  And not the nice part of Cuba, either.  The bad part.

Unfortunately in a Democracy we have to treat everyone as equal, even when they’re not, so that will never happen.  So, the next best and most honorable thing you can do as a voter is to admit when you don’t know shit, and concede that you shouldn’t vote.  Then follow through with that thought, and instead of voting this November, sit on your ass and watch “Simpsons” reruns.  Because dammit, that’s something you are qualified for!

This isn’t about preventing anyone from voting.  I would never do that.  This is about giving up the quest to make every single person vote.  This is about encouraging the unqualified to take some personal responsibility and realize that they shouldn’t be in a voting booth this November.  Regardless of what the activists tell you, there’s no shame in not voting.  It’s a hell of a lot tougher to admit your limitations and skip the election than to be a lemming and cast an uneducated vote because it’s the “right” thing to do.

Anyone can claim that his or her vote matters.

It takes a real man (or woman) to admit that their vote doesn’t mean dick.

If you’re not educated about politics, don’t vote.  If you’re unaware of the issues, don’t vote.  If you have no strong feelings about either candidate, don’t vote.  If you’re voting for someone you don’t care about simply because he’s the lesser of two evils, don’t vote.  If you’re voting for someone because of gender or race, don’t vote.  If your candidate lost the primary and you’re just voting for whoever won the nomination for their party, don’t vote.  If you’re voting for someone because they’re taller or better looking than the other guy, don’t vote.  If you’re voting because someone told you “if you don’t vote, you can’t complain,” don’t vote (and then complain anyways)!  If you’re voting for someone because your favorite celebrity endorses them, for God’s sake, DON’T VOTE!  ONLY YOU HAVE THE POWER TO NOT VOTE THIS ELECTION!!!

Those of you who are well educated, understand the political process, realize what each candidate brings to the table, and then make a rational decision based on the information at hand, good for you.  Enjoy casting your vote this November.

The rest of us, let’s just tell the boss we’re going to vote and go catch a matinée of Batman instead.  It’s better for society, and let’s be honest, we’ll enjoy it way more.