[Ed. Note:  This story was originally posted on Shoutmouth.com in late 2007.]

Back in the 1970s, Jimmy Page and Led Zeppelin had mass commercial appeal, but were constantly bashed by rock critics. Page brushed off these criticisms by declaring that the band was a year ahead of its time, and that people would eventually catch up.

In the late 90s, Billy Corgan and the Smashing Pumpkins released an album called Adore. The album represented the band’s transition away from rock and into electronic music. It was a commercial and critical disaster. Corgan brushed off criticism by declaring that Adore was ten years ahead of its time, and that people wouldn’t truly understand its greatness without the passage of time.

Last year, ex-Blink182 singer Tom DeLonge started releasing music with a new band called Angels & Airwaves. DeLonge’s A&A project was a vast departure from Blink, and fans and critics didn’t immediately warm up to it. DeLonge brushed off criticism by declaring that A&A was partaking in a 30-year plan to change lives, and that the full effect of A&A’s music won’t be seen until three decades from now.

As technology evolves more rapidly than ever, people are forced to keep up with the changing times, and geniuses are no exception. A true genius is always ahead of his time. But how far ahead must he be? In the 70s, people communicated through the postal service and rotary phones, and Jimmy Page only needed to be one year ahead of everyone else. By the time the 90s came around, the Internet and email gave people access to instant information and communication. Therefore, a genius like Billy Corgan needed to stay 10 years ahead of his time, lest he risk the embarrassment of falling in line with the general public. These days, new technology grows by the minute, and you never know when the next great discovery can advance our society by ten years overnight. As a result, it’s crucial that a genius like Tom DeLonge stay a minimum of 30 years ahead of his time, otherwise Apple could put out an amazing new phone and make him look stupid.

Now, I don’t want to sound arrogant here, but I consider myself somewhat of a genius. I’ve always had the suspicion that something was wrong with me, because I just couldn’t understand the logic behind so much of what was going on in the world around me. Why do people divide themselves into political parties instead of working together toward common goals? Why are so many people angry at their lives, when it’s often their negative attitude that keeps them down in the first place? Why do people think “Everybody Loves Raymond” is a good show, when it clearly sucks? Questions like these kept me awake at night. I thought it was because I just didn’t understand the common person. Well, it turns out the common person just doesn’t understand me.

Why? Because I am 110 years ahead of my time. That’s right, I’m so far ahead of my time that I consider Tom DeLonge and Billy Corgan to be way behind. In fact, I frequently call up Corgan and ask him if he remembered to wear his “special helmet and shoes,” cause by my standards, he might as well be riding the short bus every day. It’s really hard for me to explain my genius to the average person — even when I dumb things down, I’m still 35-40 years ahead of my time — but allow me to try.

When I put together Shoutmouth’s list of The 50 Hottest Women in Music, there were complaints that it objectified women. What people didn’t understand is that I wasn’t objectifying anyone. Quite the opposite, in fact; I had identified an emerging trend of reverse beauty-based discrimination, and I was already working towards stopping it. Sure, everyone knows that beauty doesn’t equal talent, but now there’s an underlying belief amongst the public that beautiful people can’t be talented. Just because someone is attractive, does that mean they are unable to possess musical ability? It sounds ridiculous, but that seems to be the general thought process in this country. And that’s why I made that list. It was an undercover operation to prove that music fans were biased against the beautiful, and it worked perfectly. Of course, no one will understand this for about 58 years. But one day, you’ll see.

Or how about a story I wrote awhile back, about the Plain White T’s hit song, “Hey There Delilah?” I told the story behind the song, and called the band’s singer a stalker. Many people were upset over this. But what they didn’t realize is that I was giving the singer a compliment. You see, with websites like MySpace, Facebook and various other voyeuristic sites taking over the world, it’s clear that stalking is quickly becoming a talent rather than a creepy behavior. Have you ever heard a group of girls talking about a guy they met the night before, and one of the girls was bragging about how she was able to locate the guy online and find out his favorite movies and whether or not he wants children one day? Happens all the time. Imagine what things will be like in a few decades, when technological advancements allow you to see into someone’s bedroom from outer space, without ever leaving your home office. Stalking will soon be a widely-desired skill, with the best stalkers getting into the best colleges and receiving the best job offers. In other words, I wasn’t making fun of the Plain White T’s; I was calling their singer a talented guy. Sadly, you won’t grasp this concept for approximately 76 years.

And while we’re on this topic, just the other day, my roommate said hello to me, and I immediately kicked him in the balls. Now, some people might say that kicking your roommate in the balls for no apparent reason is a total dick move, but what they don’t understand is, I did have a reason. The latest scientific studies have proven that humans consume an insufficient amount of oxygen, primarily due to unhealthy and unkempt homes, workplaces, buses, trains, airplanes, etc. By kicking my roommate in the balls, I caused him to gasp for air, thus increasing his oxygen intake, and in the long term, saving his life. It’s too bad he won’t appreciate my gesture for at least 93 years. One day he’ll find me in heaven and thank me, though.

It’s not easy being a genius. You put in hours and hours of work to achieve perfection, and go out of your way to try and improve society. Yet much of your finest work is still misunderstood by the general public. Sometimes it gets frustrating, and you wonder why people can’t comprehend the world on the same level that you do. But alas, I’ve become accustomed to this life, and I rest easy knowing that in 110 years from now, the world will finally understand my genius.

Unfortunately, you’ll all be long dead by then. But three generations from now… Those guys will totally get it.